Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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