Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Couch. On fire.
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