Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
