there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
