you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
tell me about the eggs
Randomize