..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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