He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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