today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
