Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
