Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
