Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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