Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
