she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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