I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize