So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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