I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
