its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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