Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Vodka?
Forever.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
