It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
