Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
a search helicopter?!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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