Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
