3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
