Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
