I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
