you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize