bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
