I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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