Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
