Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
