I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
