it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
