were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
