i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
