Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
