Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
