don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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