i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
