I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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