id be glad to
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
