my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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