Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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