We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The best revenge is premature balding
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
