nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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