she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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