She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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