he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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