my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
