I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
