Swine flu. Run for my life!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
