I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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