I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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