im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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