I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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