Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
