i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
