Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
