I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
