I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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