I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The adults are the big ones right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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