I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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