Me too!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
