I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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