I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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