Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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