You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
