i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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