isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
