Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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