It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
