I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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