It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
