only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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