do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
