Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
