i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My dick has a subreddit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
