so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
