K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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