You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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