how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
