I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
tell me about the fingering
Randomize