I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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