I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Need sex. Gaining weight.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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