Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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