ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
