no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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