So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
