you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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